In my conversation with Amy Santee last week, we spent most of our time on the personal side of identity and work. What it feels like, how it forms, what helps. But underneath all of that personal experience is something bigger, and it's worth naming directly: the system was built this way on purpose.
The myth of meritocracy
Most of us were raised on some version of the same belief: if you put in the work, you'll get the reward. It shows up in school, in families, in every performance review that ties your worth to your output. And it holds up fine, right up until it doesn't — until you work hard and still don't get the promotion, the raise, the recognition, the security.
When that happens, the myth doesn't say “the system failed you.” It says you failed. Not the process; you. That's not an accident. A belief system that blames the individual instead of the structure is a very convenient belief system for the structure to have around.
The practice: Next time something at work doesn't pan out despite your effort, try the sentence “the system didn't work for me” before you reach for “I didn't work hard enough.” Notice how different that feels.
Work as the only acceptable addiction
Here's a harder one to sit with: work might be the only addiction our culture actively rewards. Workaholism gets you praised, promoted, paid. Nobody stages an intervention for someone who never takes a day off. You get the recognition, the raise, the sense of being needed — and all of that reinforcement makes it very hard to notice you're running on empty until your body forces the issue.
The practice: Ask yourself honestly: if a friend described their relationship to work the way you'd describe yours, would you be worried about them?
“I bleed company blue”
During our conversation, Amy mentioned a LinkedIn post she'd come across that day. Someone retiring after 19 years at Meta, writing about how much they loved the company, closing with the line: “I bleed Facebook blue.” It's the kind of language usually reserved for a flag or a sports team. And it's not really an outlier. It's just an extreme, visible version of something a lot of workplaces cultivate quietly: the idea that the company is a family, a cause, an identity worth bleeding for.
You can see a softer version of this every time someone gets laid off and immediately posts about what a wonderful ride it was. That's not dishonesty, it's often genuine grief wearing a socially acceptable mask, because “I'm devastated and scared” doesn't get the same engagement as “grateful for the journey.”
The practice: Next time you see one of those posts or catch yourself about to write one , ask what you'd actually say if the algorithm weren't watching.
What to do with this, practically
None of this means your job can't matter to you, or that caring about your work is a trap. It means the weight of fixing what's broken here was never supposed to sit entirely on you. Recognizing the system doesn't fix it, but it does change what you do with the moments it fails you. Instead of spiraling into “what's wrong with me,” you can ask a better question: what's actually within my control here, and what belongs to the structure I'm standing inside of?
🔈 Last Call
Laster this afternoon at 4pm EST, I’ll be sitting down with Vivianne Castillo to chat all about what it actually takes to build work that fits, on your terms. Can’t make it live? When you register you’ll receive a copy of the recording.
With warmth,
Roberta
Ways to work with me
Spark Session: A focused one hour session to help you get traction. You’ll get out of your head and support from someone who sees it differently.
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